Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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