I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
