Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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