There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
