i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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