You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
