im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
