I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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