Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize