who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
