Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
