just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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