I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
