And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
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