so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
