The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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