so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize