Can Purell be used as lube?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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