i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
