I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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