Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
