i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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