Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
