just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
