Don't you send me to vm
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize