Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
