naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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