Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
