In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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