The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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