I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
