I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
