Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
