Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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