ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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