so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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