So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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