Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize