what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
