yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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