Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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