you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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