Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I just gargled with NyQuil
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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