I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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