I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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