Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Drunk is a universal language darling
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