tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
