we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
