it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
My vagina is very pro this idea
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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