I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
