It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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