My underwear smells like fireworks.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
