at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
