Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Randomize
