She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
