Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
