Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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