I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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