Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
