Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
