remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
