If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
