I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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