I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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