So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
