I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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