She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Never underestimate the power of titties
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
