If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize