omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize