take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
We just shotgunned beers for America
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
