If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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