Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
