Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He? As in you personified your dick?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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