So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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