It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
