maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
