you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize
