So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
