what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize