Where is the hickey?
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
P.S. I can't hear my feet
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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