I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
