There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
