What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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