You work out of a Hotel?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
