They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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