I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
