You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize