it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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