if only i could text you this smell
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
