My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
don't judge my taste in strippers
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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