some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
