Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize
