I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You are a booty call, not a friend.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
