Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Randomize
