saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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