you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
