It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize