Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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