So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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