If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize