K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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