Nicole vs. Life
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
