Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
