Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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